Author: Martin Г¬Г…ГЉГЋГ‰ (Martin Laney), a British psychologist, psychoanalyst. Material published in abbreviated translation from Arabic.
in a secular conversation always has its own peculiar logic, which, however, can easily examine anyone. It consists of only four types of phrases: open, supportive, transitional and closing the conversation.
1. Phrases, opening the conversation. "Always ready!" - So call the pioneers, it is also true of the secular conversations at receptions. Before you go to a meeting, reception or any other event, read magazines or newspapers, watch a popular show on television or film, to podkormit a relevant ingredients that make up a conversation in society. Please information on the latest political news, prepare your own views, comments or questions.
If you want to join a company where the conversation is under way, the best entrance, studies show, will ask a question about what is at stake.
joining the company, do not change the subject, otherwise the group will feel the hidden threat.
phrases, opening a conversation, not a finished allegations that neutral questions that invite other people to talk with you, so write on the sheet of paper with a few lines of information about yourself or comments the reason for the collection. Like the snacks, those words razozhgut appetite. They will provide an opportunity for others to start talking. Popraktikuytes front of a mirror or with a friend. Here are some examples:
Hi, my name is Marty. You are long familiar with the owner of the house?
Hey, great music. Do not know the name of this product?
Hi, my name is Marty. Jim - My Head. What a beautiful house, right?
I like the local school.
2. Phrases for the maintenance of the conversation. Zauchite a few comments, which help to keep talking, fueling it.
In these terms, ask others about their opinion, ask something comment.
If the topic of conversation - the new cash, or a popular TV movie, the issues may be as follows:
you liked this movie?
What is this movie?
What did you like it?
What is the idea of the movie?
What do you think about actors?
wonder why this show is so popular? How do you think?
3. The transitional phrase. Introverts are often hesitant feel small talk. If the topic of conversation starts to dry up, becoming nekomfortnoy or too personal, they can become ill from anxiety. In such cases, good to remind yourself that you can control the situation.
Translate conversation in a safe direction, before the ship talks break rocky shores of discomfort.
often well lead the conversation back to what was said earlier. For example:
You said that you are a teacher. Children are what age do you teach?
You mentioned on vacation. You can see where you like to travel?
few minutes ago you said that you have a son. What is it years?
Poyavivshiysya discomfort may also mean that it is time to end the conversation. Remember, if you do not talk so much on giving, how many die, do not try to revive it. If you understand that the man asked a personal question, too shumliv and does not accept hints, stop perekidyvat bridges from one subject to another. Or, if the conversation felt a desire on both sides to take a break, do it. As the final phrases you can use the following.
4. Closing phrase. Studies have shown that small talk, which leads a group standing, continues at an average of five to twenty minutes. Thirty - is the maximum. So do not be offended if people leave the group to join another. In all likelihood, this is the nature of the beast - a secular communication. В«It is a pity that had to leave such an interesting conversation, but I can see, there is John, and I always have to talk to himВ». You can always meet with the man again, if you are really like to talk with him. If you prefer, you can ask your phone number or business card of his buddy before interrupt the conversation: В«I would be happy to drink with you as a cup of coffee. Can I call you? В»
When are you going to go, whether it is talking one-on-one or in a group, it is important to say something.
do not disappear like a ghost. Farewell should be short and clear. Several of the following lines to help you vynyrnut interview, so that potreniruytes - and not take to heart if someone would use them to you.
Sorry, I need to go for a glass of water.
very interesting conversation, but I see it, my supervisor. I need to salute.
I'm sorry, I promised to call to see how the children there.
Sorry, I will go nalyu a little juice. But we will return later to talk.
bathroom at the party? Thank you.
Oh, that's Sam. I must send him a message.
Sorry, but I promised to help her owner in the kitchen.
I think I now dvinus to the buffet - the people there was, it seems smaller.
If this tactic used to you, just say something short and sweet, to give to another to escape:
It was nice to talk with you.
was with you I am glad to meet you.
We have wonderful chat.